Taking Care of Me

Back to food:


It’s been really difficult to be consistent with the foods I eat since taking care of my mother.  Even in her dementia’d state, she still prefers McDonald’s hamburgers and Chinese food.  And it’s easier to make sandwiches for her rather than having her fight with a fork and salad.

But that’s no excuse as to why I am not eating well, except for that I get lazy.  I want something quick to grab a hold of.  I run out of choices and it get frustrating trying to cook for two.  Although, I do stay away from McDonald’s hamburgers and Chinese food for myself, I still make poor food choices.  How good can my choices be when I am eating on the go?

When I am creating meals in my kitchen, I don’t always make the best choices either.  Yes, there are lots of recipes online, and I have experimented, and failed, and succeeded on some occasions.  Despite all the 1,000’s of recipe blogs out there, I still find myself skimming through them thinking I want something that strikes my fancy just a little bit better.  I need less ingredients or more flavor or something else.  Brownies always sound good.

Not being able to have wheat, I turn to rice or potatoes.  I love potatoes.  Always have.  Yet, day after day, the more I eat, the worse I feel.  How can potatoes or rice be so bothersome?  I would figure it a safe food, yet my stomach is bloated and I am fatigued, again.

Times like this, I kinda wonder whether that embarrass sounding disorder is what I truly have:  Leaky Gut Syndrome

Just what is Leaky Gut Syndrome and what do I do about it?  Especially while trying to make the best out of what I can afford financially and while trying to appease my mother who needs to eat practically every 3 hours a day due to her blood sugar possibly spiking and falling.   And I do notice a difference in her behavior when it changes.

I’m also learning to accept that I am not born to be one of those Super Moms that cares for everyone around them, giving them everything that they need.  They cook, they clean, they organize – that is just not me!  I am trying, but it just doesn’t seem to happen.  I get frustrated.  Is this what people do everyday?  Stay in the kitchen all day long, cooking and cleaning?  I feel like I am in the kitchen all day, yet my kitchen is smothered with gluten free flour and other little tidbits that have been tossed around while I am being creative.

And I am bloated and tired.

I realize even though I am not the picture perfect caregiver with the hair tied up in a knot, wearing high heels and an apron, I am still concerning myself of other people’s needs instead of my own.  Somehow I have to get back to taking care of me, even if it means organic salad for me, and starchy hamburger for my mother.  There has to be a balance, I am sure.


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