Hopelessness and Despair

Today I am so tired. I feel drained, sluggish. I would blame it on not getting enough sleep. . . I know I could always get to bed earlier; but, I am questioning again why I am not feeling my usual happy self. I have been reading labels, cooking at home more (perhaps still not as often as I would like), staying away from gluten (as far as I can tell on my end). I should be feeling energetic, alive, skinny – but I don’t.

I thought I was past the funk. And comparatively, I really am; however, there must be something I am not quite doing right.
I have run out of ideas for meals. I am bored with my choices.
This last week I cooked up some corned beef and cabbage, pre-seasoned by Trader Joe’s. I remember last year them telling me it was gluten free. I rechecked the label – no nitrates! no gluten, egg, milk, or soy. It looked good to me 🙂

So for the last few days I have had corned beef for dinner. Each time I feel the paranoia of it not sitting too well. But why should I feel that way when it’s label looked safe? A little bloating, but I am full. That should be expected, right? My mouth is dry again. Now my eyes hurt from dryness and my leg feels numb.

I came to the conclusion today that my body can’t break down the corned beef for whatever reason. Last night the bloating was horrific! Can’t stand to move and can’t stand ME at this point – my in-tolerances create depression on top of all the other physical symptoms. and now I am horribly exhausted!! Very fatigued. Can’t stay awake. On top of it all, I haven’t had a normal bowel movement for more than a few days. I know, Too Much Information! It adds to my misery.

Perhaps I am not reading labels as well as I believe. Perhaps there is something else in my physical make-up that has a hard time digesting food, period. The thought of a raw food diet comes to mind. . . and then leaves my mind quickly. I love food too much! So frustrating – I feel hopeless.

I want to bake bread, muffins, and other gluten free goodies; but I have no motivation right now. I can’t wait to feel energetic again. I know it is possible. Perhaps getting back to basics is what I need right now in order to get back on track.

What were those basics again? Time to go shopping. Time to visit more gluten free recipe blogs. Keep it Simple! I shall kick this . . . one day at a time. . . one minute at a time, if I have to!

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